I am a weapon of massive consumption

Or a countdown of the top ten things I am looking forward to spending money on in England

10.Benetint by Benefit

Personally, I think England is the best place to buy awesome makeup -forget America- for example benetint. I first bought this from Boots while I was in Uni and it lasted a whole year until it smashed on the airport floor in Barcelona during an easyjet scuffle for flights out of the selfsame airport (its a good story - you should get Kashka to tell you). What is it you may say ? why its a rose-tinted see-through stain for lips & cheeks that lasts for hours, that apparently was originally created for an exotic dancer in the 1970s. I restocked last time I was in England and I am going in for more.

9.Boots Sandwiches

Speaking of Boots the next item of consumption (literally ) on my list is a delicious Boots Sandwich. Honestly there really isnt another ready made sandwich that brings more delight and gastronomic satisfaction than any of the excellent selection they have at Boots. Also I like the fact you can buy both a quality sandwich and makeup in the same store - does this make me a little white trash? Whatever, I dont care.

8.Tesco- Bidston Moss.

I’m not ashamed to admit I was once a Tesco’s worker. During my Uni days I worked at the café in the hypermarket that is Tesco Bidston Moss, frequented by the likes of local scallies, recently arrived Irish immigrants and a whole cast of weirdo regulars. Working there was some good times and also some dangerously borderline health and safety times. I can’t wait to head down and stock up on Muller Yoghurt, OJ, Jaffa Cakes and Tunnocks Teacakes.

7.Tunnocks Teacakes

Ahhh Tunnocks Teacakes –how do I explain them? I would fistfight my own grandmother for the last Tunnocks Teacake in a pack. Gladly. Fight. her.
Even the delicious sounding Wikipedia explanation of what they are doesn’t really do the Teacake justice. If they really did do a pimped version of the Teacake it would be like I died and went to Teacake Heaven.
 In an attempt to explain them they are kind of like a much more superior version of a mallowpuff. Tunnocks Teacakes to mallowpuffs are like the Beatles in 1968 to a Beatles Tribute band in 2011. Both enjoyable, but we all know which version is infinitely better in every way.


6.Marks and Spencer - Liverpool

Both my Mum and my Cavanagh aunties freaking LOVE this place – so back in the day, if I ever missed Gaygay I would venture inside and think about how jealous she would be, knowing I was at Marks and Spencers. Also they make ridiculously good cream filled meringues and high quality underwear for reasonable prices.


5.The Egg

Full of smelly hippies and hipsters – the egg was easily my favourite eatery during Uni. Walking through the purple entrance and up the windy red stairs to the egg always made me feel highly bohemian. Of course this joint is a vegetarian/vegan restaurant and damn, if they don’t make the best food you ever tasted – I’m personally looking forward to the Spicy Burger that is neither really a burger nor spicy but delicious nonetheless.

4.Topshop Liverpool

I have whiled away many (and I mean many) an afternoon/evening/morning in Topshop. Topshop Liverpool based on proximity is the main protagonist for this time thievery…. But if I was to admit a favourite Topshop it would definitely be the flagship store in London that I spent 5 hours in one time and still didn’t feel like I’d seen everything.

3.H&M

While Topshop is amazing and fashionable and all-round good time. H&M is all of those things plus affordable. Although slightly generic now that its all around the world and dirty no-good Kate moss represents the place, still my heart beats a little faster every time I go near an H&M and I know I wont be able to resist buying at least one item of clothing that will totally become my signature piece okay? So don’t judge me.

 


2.Minstrels

Remember how I said I would fist fight my grandma for a Teacake? Well, for a minstrel I would fight my own brother and win because of the rush of adrenalin and my sheer will to win the minstrel. And if you’ve met my brother you would know how serious that would be. Minstrels are like heaven in a sugar coated shell. Like an angel cried tears of happiness and they mixed those tears into the chocolate. Like they used the milk of a unicorn and sugar made out of crystallized joy to create this confectionary of awesomeness.  Like all of those things...

1.Primark

Ok. I know this clearly marks me out as a scally. I dont care.I remember there was a time when Primark was truly trashy but since the recession and the arrival of cheap eastern european fashion to the shores of England, Primark has become freaking awesome.Cheap, cool, jam packed with options and sparkly colourfully wonderfulness. I have a recurring dream that Im shopping in Primark having the time of my life and then I wake up and its just a dream. and it is so sad.

Below are some examples from the primark website and seriously they could easily be see on some hipster in the sartorialist....